I don't get it

I am so sick of this. I don't understand. In all my time at uni, I have managed to make one friend, and she is quite nice, if only a little boring. Well, honestly, I actually get exhausted after talking to her because the pressure to act nice and normal and perky is a drain on me. My dear, dear high school friends, how I miss you so! Alas, back then I could say anything to those people, act as weird and freaky as I wanted to, and it was all fine and well.

And now. Now I have been reduced to this pathetically shy girl. I tell you, it's my hair. I mean it. I curse the that day at the end of June when I decided to shave my shoulder length hair off. I curse it. Not only do I have horribly short, stubby, old-grandpa hair, I have the sort of chubby, blobby, asymmetrical face that looks horrible when fully exposed through the spotlight of a few inches of hair.

But let's get to the point. I have really bad hair, which makes me feels really, really ugly, which makes me act really shy and self-conscious, which in turn influences the way people judge me. Really though, you'd be surprised at the harshness.

Examples:

So this friend that I speak of, she is lucky enough to have many of her high school pals attending the same university. As a result, there are people constantly running up to her in class and having in depth conversations with her. She does in fact have quite a lot of friends in all of our classes together, and she manages to make new ones easily. And thus, the most awkward situation imaginable takes place almost everyday. I sit beside her, while "insert other friend's name in here" sits on her other side, or maybe behind or in front of us. A flurry of conversation takes place between them, without the other friend ever batting an eyelash my way. And if they do, it's almost like a glare, as if I'm a waste of space. I am not kidding, it is not in my head. Before I used to expect that through a natural process of social acquaintances, I would also get to know those people.

Oh, I sound like I'm whining.

Anyways, I have finally given up and accepted it, even though it hurts my sensitive, yet melodramatic self-esteem. If we're walking to class with another girl that she knows, I just walk on behind and let them talk. I am letting it go. Screw them, I'm a Hemingway in disguise. The female version that is.

Grrrr. Let if go.