I will say this। I was depressed and panicked in my first year of high school, and the one thing that seemed the help me was the journal of hopelessness that I kept on my dilapidated old IBM laptop. And unfortunately, those journals were all burned down and destroyed by the confounding metal inside the laptop. So now I will start all over. I will begin another era of hopeless journal writing. I am already feeling a bit better.

A brief intro: I am a first year student and I have no friends at university। There is only one person in the entire institution that knows my name and talks to me। None of the professors know me. I am painfully, achingly self-conscious of my really short hair (I shaved my head in the summer for a fundraiser). I am all to aware that my face is completely and absolutely ugly. Repulsive actually. I tend to look like an ugly witch even after hours spent in front of the mirror. I have a pathetically chubby body, and I can never dress it properly. All of these facts make me stand out blatantly from the rest of the long-haired, fit, and well dressed girls at the uni. And because I stand out, I feel all hot itchy inside, like I can’t breathe. It is at this point that my face distorts and my eyes get all watery, and I look like I am one step away from committing suicide. Which of course makes me seem like more of a freak than ever. But who am I kidding, I was born to be a freak.

So it goes.
Kurt Vonnegut, save me.
I am lonely and depressed and utterly tired. Everyday I have to drag myself out of bed because all I want to do is bury my head under the comforters. I then proceed to waste hours in front of the mirror, getting more and more frustrated as the minutes roll on. I then stumble to uni which is the one place in the world that I happen to hate the most. All around me, there are people just having the time of their life. And poor me, walking all alone with my depressed face and watery eyes.
And the classes. God how I hate sitting in a room full of people. I force myself to sit at the front so I have a mild chance of being able to concentrate, and then I spend the rest of the class worrying that the 300+ people behind are all making snide remarks about me. It really is torture. Every class is an ordeal of epic proportions, after which ensues the ordeal of killing time until my next class. This involved me going and hiding in the library, which I also happen to detest because of the alarming amount of cheerful, loud people that reside there in groups.
When I finally manage to totter off the bus and make it to my house, I am an emotional mess. Every new day is more miserable then the last.
Maybe I’m being a bit melodramatic.
No, no really. I just want this insane torture to end.
Boo hoo.